Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
