One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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