a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
