I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
