is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
