I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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