Can Purell be used as lube?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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