the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
