You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize