my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
