maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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