What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
