I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
