if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
