Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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