Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In other news, I just burned my penis
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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