You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
