I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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