I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
