Porn is love you can see.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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