its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
