the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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