What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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