im gay
i know
yea but for you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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