i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
