rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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