: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jerry, you need to find god
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize