can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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