Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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