Im at strip club and am horny
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
