i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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