you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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