Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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