We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
