Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
