When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
