I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
