oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
