mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
