PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
