thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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