Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
