I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
