we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
