Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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