Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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