It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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