I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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