Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
