I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
