No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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