NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
