Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
