Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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