hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
