My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
