my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
