i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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