i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize