I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
