ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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