I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
