party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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