dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
