It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
