I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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