I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
