The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize