it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
