he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
