If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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