Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
