Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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