I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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