yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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