So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize