my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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