Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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