Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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