i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
