Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
