I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
