i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
