he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
