i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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