You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
