first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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