Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
