I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
