I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
