I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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