I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ketchup is God's man juice
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
