Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
