Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
