Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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