I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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