Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize